Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Hello, my name is Lora and I’m a Control Freak…

Hello, my name is Lora and I’m a Control Freak…



There. I said it. The reason why I share this is because I have a feeling I’m not alone in this. I’m not alone in the sin I’ve been meddling with. I’m not alone when it comes to not trusting God. 

I have never parted oceans, I did not create the starry night, I have never formed a planet yet I trust myself way more than I trust the very God who created all those things.

I’ve been brewing over the passage of scripture in Exodus, chapter 16, where the children of Israel had just come out of Egypt. They witnessed some of the most miraculous things and you’d think they’d be in awe of God’s wonders but instead they grumbled and complained about their current situation. Now that’s an entire different post you can read some of my thoughts about that here

But what I want to focus on is the part where you and I have failed many times before. When the Israelites woke up each morning, the manna would be like dew on the ground, and they collected it and prepared it for the day. If they gathered more than they needed, it would rot. God was teaching them to trust him for their daily bread.

I’m a goal oriented gal. I like schedules and plans. I like to look ahead into the future and try to set myself up for success. I don’t think that those things are bad but I do think that it became a problem when I noticed a hiccup in my plans drove me crazy because that meant I was no longer in control. I slowly went from happily sitting in the back seat of the car watching God take me from point A to point B to invading His space, to kicking him out of the driver’s seat while He watched me take the wheel because after all I knew better. Sigh. The good news is I’m in recovery. I know it’s wrong, but how many times have we subtly done that?

Gloria Furman says it best in her book Glimpses of Grace, "We have a problem with letting God provide for us. We have a problem with that in the broad scope of our lives — we’d rather save ourselves from our sin. And we have a problem with letting God provide for our daily bread in the minute details of life. We fail at letting God provide for us because we think we know what we need better than he does. So we go and take it for ourselves. I do this every time I don’t consciously trust him; I trust myself."

Since my “aha” moment I’ve been praying this daily prayer, “Lord I trust you for today. Whatever you have in store for today. Whomever you have in store for me today. I will not worry about tomorrow. Help me to live for today. Amen.”

This simple prayer has moved me to quite a perspective shift especially when it comes to my family's finances. My husband for the last 13 years received a weekly paycheck. We knew when to expect it and how much to expect. We are now in a season in our lives where it is about completely trusting God for our daily bread. Last year he started his own business which means we no longer have the comfort of knowing how much we’ll receive each month. But God has been ever so present and faithful. 

So what is it in your life that has you so wound up, so distracted, so filled with anxiety that you can’t see the miraculous of what God is doing in your life? Do you trust him for your daily bread?  

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